It is well with my soul

There is not a day that goes by that I wouldn't want to here this song 100 times in a row!

This face.... I love this face!

Losing my Religion

Wednesday, August 18th

No! I'm not! I think?!?!

Well, that's the sermon topic for the month "Losing my religion". I for sure can relate and feel as if I am 100% sinking into that topic of Losing my religion. I found myself saying to God the other day "show yourself!" and "Gimme a sign God!". Okay so it was more like "SHOW YOURSELF!!!!" and "GIMME A STINKIN' SIGN GOD!" but either way that's what I said.

So that's probably not the best way to start off my first post after month and months of being away from my blog. But it is, what it is! Seems like every time I get on I have about a million and one things I want to write about and so much has happened since time has gone by! Such as the last time I had posted about my group (Dothan moms through meet-up.com) we had maybe 150 members and were searching for sponsors. We now have 211 members and have so many sponsors I had to start turning people away cause I can't keep up. We were also contacted by Phillip-Morris that offered to sponsor us for a 6 month period. I obviously didn't pass that up! We also now have 4 organizers and officially (just recently) gave up on trying to be every where at once! I just can't do it anymore. Thankfully the group is kinda taking off on it's owe now. I see occasional by other members of the group and I am seeing more involvement at a lot of the meet-ups.....Thank God!

Sunday, August 22nd

I lose thought....
It's Sunday and the house is quiet. Brent took the boys and headed to church and I clipped coupons, cleaned the bathroom, mopped the floors and did a load of laundry. I occasionally peered out the window at the blue sky wishing it was Fall already so that I could open all the windows in the house and feel a cool breeze.

Losing my Religion....
My Grand father died the day before yesterday. The next morning I looked out my kitchen window and seriously asked for a sign that everything is going to be okay. Yes, I'm a sign ask-er for-er. I don't know if my grand father excepted Jesus. I know that he is an amazing man with a loving heart. I know that he excepted me for myself and all my mistakes and flaws when other didn't. I saw my Grandpa a week and a half ago. We got word that he would not make it much longer. He wasn't sick! Just old and tired and his frail body just couldn't go on. So my brother to whom I have only seen 3 times in 10 years flew in from Las Vegas with his 6 year old son. Him, my parents and Brent the boys and I drove four hours over there not knowing what state we would find my Grand father in. He was not well and maybe seventy pounds or so. Yet for some reason he still looked so tall and strong as I sat and stared at him. In the few moments we were able to grab his attention in and out of being awake and asleep I had touched the side of his face so that he'd look at me and I leaned in closely only to tell him "I love you, Grandaddy!".He then said "I love you too." In and soft quiet voice. I was then okay....

I'm not angry about the house, just angry with no results.....
In between the months of not posting quite a bit has happened. My husband got a Raise or I should say he was promoted a GS level. I am so proud of him. So proud that I sometimes sit back and smile just thinking about him and how incredible he is. I wish that I told him more often. I hope he knows. Maybe I'll write him a letter stating that if I don't ever tell him that much that he needs to know that there's not a day that goes by that I don't think about how truly lucky I am.
We also decided we are going to buy our first house. This is an amazing thing and a wee bit crazy! We already lost out on one house we wanted and we walked around saying that there had to be a reason. We only lost out because the other people offered cash. I do understand that! We have now decided to buy a foreclosure. It is without a doubt the most perfect house! So, so perfect! except dealing with Freddie Mac and seeing first hand the incompetence of our government and our tax payers dollars! We came to an agreement on price pretty quickly but as of this coming up Wednesday it'll be three stinkin' weeks and we still don't have our contract! We have locked in our rates which is good but I keep saying to myself that I'd be okay if we had a contract. I don't care if it takes us forty years to get into the house....I just want a contract. I also know that my anger does nothing but harm and annoy myself. No one else! Just me!

Not in control....
Again between my last post and now my father was diagnosed with Cancer. Or I should say a Cancerous tumor (and small other spots). Sounds so confusing and vague....huh?!?! Yup! That's how I feel. Three weeks ago my father had surgery to cut out the tumor and some suspicious sides around it. A week went by and he was suppose to get his results back and they told him that they had sent it to the VA hospital in Washington for a second, third and fourth opinion. Then another week went by and still no results and now he is suppose to call Monday to see if they have the results so that he can keep his appointment on Tuesday. So we know nothing, have nothing and have not heard anything. As posted above---> I'm not angry about the house, just angry with no results! Even when we were turned down for the first house I was okay. I was sad but I was okay. It's been so long that I am okay with not getting this one either. Again I would be super sad and even probably more so than how sad I was losing the first. But, I say to myself that I'd rather have my father by my side and rent a shack then not have my father here at all and own an incredibly beautiful house! Yes, I know God sees all and God hears all! I know that it's okay for me to pray for a house and a decision and for my father at the same time. But, I have yet to do that. I have yet to pray for a house...the house! I'm okay with that! Please God let my dad be okay!

Struggling....
Yes, I know I'm hurting right now. I literally feel as if my heart is in my stomach. I also know that this to shall pass. I know that God hears my prayers and tomorrow is a new day. I know that it's okay to be sad and I know that eventually things will work themselves on out. I know that there are people struggling way worse than me and they know no God to talk to. They have no Religion to lose....

My sign was a yellow butterfly....
Crazy or not my sign was a yellow butterfly that flew in my sight as I looked out the window the other morning. Yeah, it probably was nothing but a random butterfly flying past. But, I like to think it was my sign that everything is going to be okay and that my Grand father is okay. So, I'm going with it! It's my butterfly....my answer.

Tomorrow....
Tomorrow I think I am going to stay home and make some macaroni art work with the boys

Under Construction!

It has been a while but I am working on the layout of my blog and then eventually will be back! Hang tight! For now see how cute!

The three Z's

The day before yesterday I had officially became that crazy MaMa! Yes, it is true! But out of complete disappointment! I haven't posted about the three Z's yet but I have been meaning to. The three Z's are my neighbors kids. Zian age 7, Zain age 5, and Zachary age 2. So often we have seen these kiddo's swinging on the tire that is attached to their huge tree. We have watched as they road their dirt bikes through their back yard. We had heard them playing tag and have watched Memphis our son stand at our fence wanting to join in on the fun. Well a few weeks ago while we were out gardening we had decided to let Memphis walk over to their back yard. By the way big properties all connected by back yards but are's just happened to be fenced. We figured since we were right there and watching that although Memphis is four that it would be okay. It was official! Our son was a big boy and playing in the yard with neighborhood kids. Sawyer, being that he is only two years old couldn't tag along with his big brother so he had cried and cried literally for an hour!

After that day of play the two boys Zian and Zain would come knocking on the door to play with Memphis in the back yard. Our backyard! Everyday! Brent met their mother for but a second as she came and got her 2 year old daughter. We found out that she is in the middle of a divorce and that she is a nurse. A few days later she allowed her daughter that is 2 yrs. old come over and I then began feeling like we were babysitters. Is that awful to say? It just seemed so inappropriate and a little scary because I won't even allow my two year old to leave our sight yet alone our yard! We have yet to say anything probably because I have not figured out what to say or how to say it.

Anywho, the day before yesterday the boys came over to play. Occasionally we have to scold them on their behavior and the things they say. Our home! Our rules! They talked about how they like watching American Gangster which I have not seen, but, they spoke of Scar Face as well! YIKES!!!!! Really! Seven years old and five years old watching scar face. Despite the fact that it's drugs and blood and shootings and violence! Does anyone remember what he said when he was asked how he got the scar on his face! I could not believe it! I then began to feel so bad that children of this age think that it is okay see say the things they do and do the things they do. Zian stood beside my as I watered the garden telling me how much he loved gardens and was going to have one, one day. I asked him if he had had squash, zuchini, artichokes and egg plant. He did tell me he loved Broccoli with cheese on it! Cute! this is the type of conversations should be having. Just tell me you want to be a fireman one day!

Later that evening my boys had to come in for baths, jammies, milk and a snack. It's our usual nights routine. I started around the house closing windows and closing blinds and noticed Zian and Zain standing behind their neighbors newly built fence which is connected to their yard. It just looked suspicious! I watched and watched and then saw a flick of a lighter. YIKES! They were SMOKING!!! Five and seven years old and they were SMOKING! Why does a five year old even know how to use a lighter? He was the one lighting the cigarettes. Either way I walked out back and hopped our fence and screamed their names like they have never heard before! I found my MaMa voice! They flipped around and a lighter was flung into the air and they sat still as I marched over to them. They then received a mini lecture of cigarettes and CANCER as I walked them to their back door. They said nothing at all and had fear in their eyes. I tapped on their back door with the tip of the lighter and their mother answered...yessssss. I looked down at the boys and said "tell your MaMa what you were doing!" and they both stayed silent. I repeated myself and they then began to tell on each other. so much for a united front! I stopped them mid sentence and told their mother that her boys (Ages 5 and 7) were out back smoking. She just seemed as if she wasn't surprised or almost as if she didn't care but the boys cried and cried. She told them to come into the house as Zachary her daughter clung to her leg.

The next day...yesterday....we did not get a knock on the door to play. My heart hurts for them. My heart hurts for Memphis as well as he stared out the window watching them in their back yard playing and wondered why today they did not come over and ask to play in our back yard with him. How would I even explain that? I am not knocking anyone. I smoked my first cigarette at age 8 and smoked regularly at age 13 and a pack a day by age 15 and quit at age 31! All I keep thinking about is that Memphis is 4 1/2 years old and Zain is 5 years old. I was picturing Memphis with a cigarette hanging out of his mouth in 6 months and the boy still screams for me from the bathroom to wipe!
Did I do what was right?

Look what I learned to do!

Okay, yes, I know I am a dork and half maybe even more than half of the world knows how to do this....but I did not! This is my best friends Blog called Tammy on the go and I stumbled across this blog one day and so thankful I did. She is so cute and I love to hear about her everyday happenings! Her blog is Jenna's Jargon and she takes the most incredible photo's ever! See for yourself here at her project 365 and then another blog that I had stumbled across while blog hopping is A moment in grace She is just incredible! I live off of Fiddledeedee for all my couponing needs. She is AWESOME and incredibly sweet. I use to go to church with her. I read i love you best and never gone once without crying. She makes me truly thankful for my children. My heart hurts for her daily. Okay, so you get the point of what I learned. I probably could go on and on about the blogs I love and the hyper links! YAY! ME!

MaMa love, Daddy love!

Tri-state BBQ Fest! I loved these photo's but honestly I should have taken photo's of the 19 different kinds of BBQ Sandwiches we had eaten just a short time before. Yesterday was a GREAT day!

Ben's last and final posting in Margo's caring bridge site

I wanted to share one last thing with you all before bringing a close to this journal for Margo. It was about the living water that Jesus spoke of to the Samaritan woman in John 4:10-13 and then again in John 7:38 when he said:"The one who believes in me, as the Scripture has said, will have rivers of living water flowing from his heart.”
This living water that God imparts to his children through his vessels comes because of the great needs that God wishes to fulfill. When we grow in our relationship with God and continue to strive toward growing that relationship we can reach a point of faith where we no longer talk about the word of God or merely believe the word of God but we actually begin to live the word of God and our lives become a reflection of his nature. From living with Margo and watching her grow in her faith and love for God, Jesus, and for others I could see this spring of living water begin to flow from her and start to touch so many lives it was breathtaking. God reached out and touched lives through Margo, to provide healing , to provide comfort, to provide light in the midst of darkness, to provide hope, to minister to those in need. Her love for God and unwavering faith were as such that it far outweighed any fear or discomfort she was feeling or experiencing. I know this because up until the very last moment she was still thinking of God and of others rather than her own situation. I may have mentioned before but when she was fading and well aware that the time she had to impart words before becoming to tired or confused to speak was quick upon her she told my pastor to let everyone know that she didn't want anyone to turn away from God in despair or anger because of her passing, she wanted them to know that it was not worth it to turn away, instead she wanted them to move closer to him, to receive the living water that God was pouring out of her, to receive their healing. After all, she was a daughter after her heavenly father's own heart while she was here with us. I know this because I was with her through thick and thin for five wonderful blessed years, and because I got to know her very well. while we were here together I loved her very much she was my best friend and one of my personal heroes. I still love her very much and always will, I'm very proud of her for her strength and willingness to allow God to use her to touch so many lives, she had a choice, she could have said no to him, but she didn't she said yes, and because of that people I have never met have had a taste of that living water that only Jesus can provide. I hope that I am just like Margo a person after God's own heart, if I am not then I pray with all that is in me that I too will be that person that God can use to impart living water to those in need, that I too can attend to people's welfare and well being just like Margo did when she was with us. Margo has moved on from us, she is in heaven in her place of eternal glory dancing, singing, and praising in the presence of God and Jesus surrounded by a love and a peace we can only imagine of here. I ask for God to give her a big hug for me every time I pray, since I cannot do it for the time being I'm sure that he does with joy. Margo left us with a challenge as well, a challenge to also become the people that not only read the bible, not only believe the bible but grow so strong in our walk with God that we live it. all of us, each and every one of us can be the source that God can use to impart living water to all who are in need. We can reflect his nature and care for others well beings and welfare. I'm not saying people wants or desires for often they fall along the lines of a path of destruction, but I think that everyone has needs and the most basic one is for someone to care about them. It may not be popular in a society that has been promoting self absorption and selfishness more and more every year, but it can happen when we seek God and grow our relationship with him. We can become the springs of living water with his help. I would like to ask you to please consider that this love can not only fill you but also be passed to other through you. We have seen but one powerful example of this through Margo's walk with God. I promise you this will not be the last example but even greater still you could be the next one that God moves through to heal others lives! I hope you will consider it, as for me and my house we will continue to serve the Lord, for I await the day when I shall meet Margo at the designated place and she will lead me to Jesus and I pray that he will look upon me and say "Well done my good and faithful servant", until then I have seeds to sow and living water to impart to the best of my ability.

God bless you all and thank you for your support, your prayers both in the past, the present , and in the future.

-Benjamin Menger

Just a few "favs"! Up and blog hopping again!

I guess we all love pictures for different reasons. This picture isn't the greatest at all. It was actually like a billion degrees under the"big top"! But it reminds me that I actually ventured out while my husband was out of town and took the boys to the circus by my self. I wished that Brent could have been there as well but we had a ton of fun.
Memphis and I being silly!We put veggie stix in our mouths and we were being coodie bugs....can't you tell?!?!
Sawyer can pull of any outfit! My lil' cutie
I love that my husband is such a dork! We can always be dorks together! This was our first ever pizza making night!
Just a fun day! This was about a week ago or so at the 4th annual paws fest. That's right a festival of paws. Not sure why I was annoyed when I stepped in poo! Such a fun day....until our car broke down! But still a fun day!
I have always loved this photo. I can't emphasize enough of what a daddies boy Sawyer is.Nothing has changed since they day he was born. I now look forward to his screeching and leaping across the room when daddy arrives home from work everyday as if he hadn't seen him for a year!
They are brothers and are at each other constantly but I love the times when they hug all over each other or Memphis looks back to check on his brother and take him by the hand.I love being around my friend Tammy. I can always be myself and she loves me for who I am....even if I act a bit stupid!

I love this photo! Not only because Memphis is kissing on me but I know that it is also the day we found our the sex of Sawyer. We celebrated with a visit to Chuck E. Cheese!

I didn't cry until she sang!

I know, I know! Every time I get on my blog I say that I am officially caught up and will be posting again and then I find myself just swamped with stuff to do. I miss posting! I miss a clean house to! I think as my meet up group grew it kinda consumed me along with growing. Everyday I kinda feel myself stepping back a bit and once again after getting 177 members I am looking for a third Asst. Organizer. I'm not saying that it's all been crazy but right now it's all so over whelming. I'm not good with over whelming...nor sad, scared, nervous, angry, and many other feelings! But yesterday I felt them all. Yesterday was Good Friday. Although we had plans of walking through our church to see a small set up for good Friday they had I spent my evening learning about a friend that had passed. Margo Menger! I had posted a photo of her previously. She had a rare Liver cancer and she was only 30 years old. She was a wife and a mother to a sweet little three year old girl named Tahiri. I'm going to show you how my brain works. It took about 35 minutes to drive up there and I had been running late. Brent hadn't filled the AC in the Trooper so all the windows were down. It was 84 degrees and sunny. Do you ever look up to the sky and the sun and think how beautiful and get goose bumps and think it is a God thing. Well I'm a dork and I do! When I arrived I parked and once again running late so I walked up to the church that was quite large for such and itty bitty town. I stopped for a second and looked up and it was one of those churches that would be amazing for a wedding. HUGE front to it with four huge pillars and all white. I can picture it in my head and then stopped to think for a moment about Margo's husband. The service had just started and that talked about her life and about she wasn't even suppose to have had one or at least not a fruitful one. The doctors said she wasn't suppose to live 12 hours into her life and she did and then they said that her life would be short due to a bad liver and she was now thirty. They told her she couldn't have kids because it would kill her and she had little Tahiri! When she was diagnosed with Cancer they said it was stage four and she would be gone in 6 months and no doctor would help her! But many did and she eventually went into remission although the cancer came back. I wonder what they considered fruitful because I don't think their definition was the same as hers. Although my group is over whelming I do think God chose me to build it and through that group I got to meet Margo.During the service I got to see a slide show of photo's as they do at most funerals and memorials. I watched her smile, dance and roller skate as well as other things she loved so much. I found out that even when she had been diagnosed with Cancer that she had continued her studies to finish her degree during surgeries and chemo therapy! She had her mind set on missions trip to Japan and that's what she had needed! I looked around at so many people as I sat alone on that pew of that big old church. I watched to see who had a continuous smile and I watched through my own swollen eyes who was crying after every word. I did cry! A lot! But, I didn't start crying until this woman stepped to the front and started to sing. She had this amazing voice! You know the kind of voice that sang swing low sweet chariot.....blah, blah, blah. I held it together so well until then. by the way, no, she did not sing that song. After the service the family stepped to the front so everyone could share their condolences and such. I decided I was going to take a moment and say good bye to Margo's mom I had just recently met before she flew back to New Hampshire. Beside her stood Ben her husband and I could feel my heart creeping into my throat and beating faster and faster until I thought I was going to vomit. Seriously! I then decided to leave. I never had the chance to meet Ben but I love how even in the time of sorrow that he stood at the front of the church and flung his arms open wide and yelled to the crowd come and hug with a huge smile on his face! I do want to leave you with one story. On Ben and Margo's first date Margo almost never went. They told a story how he got all dressed up and grabbed a big bouquet of flowers like a gentleman does and headed on over to her house. He rang the door bell and as she answered he stopped her in her tracks by saying "Hey, before we even go out I need to tell you something! God, said I'm going to marry you! You are going to be my wife! I just wanted to let you know that!" She was taken back a bit and almost never went. Thank goodness she did! Because if you could only see love!

It's been a long time but here I am!

Wow! It's been a while since I have actually had a moment to just sit and write. My days are full starting from 6am (some times 4:30am wahhhhh!)and are just plain old non-stop! After the rough start to 2010 I am happy things are calming down. Between the oddly strange couple days of snow that we had in Southern Alabama I have slowly watch the days grow warmer. I know I should say Thank you God for every beautiful day that you have given me but it is so much easier to say on a nice warm spring day! During my hiatus I had a birthday and turned 35. I love my birthday and swear that I will be doing a birthday happy dance at 101 years old. Brent's birthday is three days after mine and he turned 35 as well. We have had this on going thing to where if my birthday didn't turn out as planned he has always given me his...poor guy should only be 25 then! This year was AWESOME though! We decided to throw our own birthday BBQ. We had a few families over and I think there was a total of 16 of us. It was great fun and the day couldn't have been more incredible! About a week after that I had taken my first trip away from home....ALONE! Yes! Alone! I couldn't believe it but I did it and the kids and hubby survived although a little annoyed by all the notes I had left. This was no ordinary trip though! My friend Tammy had introduced me to this great family via internet. The Freeman's. A year ago while I was anticipating my birthday little Joshua was being diagnosed with stage four liver Cancer. Wow! That kinda just put things in perspective. So I have kept up with Joshua through her blog and through phone conversations and eventually friended Nadene his mom through facebook. Man! The faith this family has is amazing and un-shake-able! So towards the end of this February they had confirmed that Joshua's Cancer has spread to his brain now. The doctors are already scratching their heads at this little boy because he is already a true miracle! It's been a year already. They have stopped all treatments now and it's in Gods hands and our prayers. Whoops I got off track. Anyways, Brent said I could drive to Tennessee over night with Tammy to go see Nadene, Tim and lil' Joshua. Nervous as I could be I did it! We left quite early and it felt like the shortest trip I had ever taken! Tammy and I talked for a solid 5 1/5 hours non-stop! It was amazing! When we arrived with Spider man and fire truck gifts in tow we were greeted by the smiling face of Nadene. We spent that whole afternoon playing with Joshua and talking with the family. We watched as family came and went and then came again. We heard knocks at the door by groups of young kids from surrounding churches that drove 1 1/2 hours to just lay hands on Joshua and pray. We heard occasional cries from Joshua about how much his head hurt and at times he couldn't climb up far enough into his dad's lap for comfort. If he were able to climb inside of him it still wouldn't be close enough! He loves his daddy! They would waiver back and forth over Tylenol or Morphine to ease his pain. You could see the struggle on her face on what to do but oddly enough it came through a smile of faith and prayer. When people arrived to pray over him I had to leave the room. I stepped into the bathroom to cry...ALOT. I couldn't help being angry. I'm sure everyone, everyone has a why moment.I just didn't want to sob in front of everyone and eventually left with a crazy headache from crying. All in all it was a wonderful afternoon and if you could only hear the sound of this sweet little boy with his southern drawl saying daddy it would melt your heart.

That evening after grabbing some dinner we headed over to Tammy's Aunts house to stay the night. All I have to say is WOW!!! My day was even more exciting! Tammy talked of her family and it is really neat to hear but I think meeting her Aunt was the best thing ever! Darn near everyone in Tammy's family were missionaries! Not all but quite a lot! Tammy's Aunt Frances had lots of stories and a lot to talk about. She giggled as we talked about Facebook and showed a proud smile as she showed us her cell phone that she just started texting on. Her house was immaculate and she had a back room that was nothing but post cards, letters, photo's from and of missionaries and decor of her travels. There sitting on a chair was her husbands clothing that had been made into pillows. Her husband was a missionary as well and died in 93' I think she said. I may be wrong but it is a real inspiring story. I'm guessing that they went a lot of places together but this time they weren't together. He had traveled to Uganda with his best friend that is a Pastor and a group of other men. They traveled to prisons and talked to the condemed and hundreds and thousands gave their life to the lord. You are probably wondering how I know this but I actually heard it straight from him through his words during his last days here on earth. He had recorded his whole trip and Aunt Frances had put it all on CD for everyone and gave Tammy a copy of it. We listened to it most of the way home. It was so moving and you can almost hear a smile on his face. Is that possible to hear a smile? You could though as he spoke of how many people were saved that day and then you would hear the music and drums of the locals as he went into tribes. Then you would hear the excitement of his voice as he travels beside the Nile river and started hollaring Oh My goodness! I see 1,2,3 ....4..5..6, 7! Water falls! You can hear the WHOOSH! Ever so slightly of the water and him talking about the Alligators in the water. The excitement put you at the edge of your seat! What an amazing man! He died the day after this conversation about the water falls and it was a strange fate. There was a gentlemen from Uganda that had driven them for days and days and loved the missionaries so much. He was tired and simply didn't want to tell them and he fallen asleep at the wheel of the vehicle. Oddly enough they had all sat in the same seats everyday the whole trip. This one day his best friend the Pastor was a bit late and jumped into the vehicle and Tammy's Uncle had scooted one seat over so his friend could sit down. When they wrecked and rolled the door came open and he was thrown from the vehicle and rolled on top of. His friend the Pastor had attempted to save his life. The driver of course was then a broken man. He was hurting and so sadden and obviously took responsibility of the fact that he had caused this to happen because he was tired. A year later Aunt Frances flew to Uganda to find this man and hug him and tell him she loved him. AMAZING! So those pillows I talked about. Well, they are actually a shirt that he had worn there in Uganda and her children had them made into pillows for her.

I am so thankful for this trip. I got to meet an amazing family and a little kid that is 3 1/2 and has more fight in him then I had ever seen in anyone in my life! I got to meet Aunt Frances and swear that EVERYONE should have an Aunt Frances! I also got to learn so much about a best friend and brought us closer together. I always feel that when I spend time with Tammy she speaks to me. No! Not like hey how ya doin' kinda speaks to me. But speaks to me biblically! She just makes me want to grow! I think that God sent her into my life and even though she is in my life that he sends her farther into my life in specific times when I may be drifting or questioning things. I am thankful for her everyday!

I am so proud of my husband for taking care of the boys while I was gone and I know how exhausted he probably was. I didn't call as much as I wanted to and all in all it turned out great! I now know that I can have a wee bit of me time...that is if I wanted to! What a great trip!

I'm still here just not ready yet

As much as I want to jump on the computer I either don't have the time or it's just NOT the right time. Sound strange? For now just please pray with me for Joshua! His Cancer has spread to his brain and they have stopped all treatments. That is except prayer! Join the praying for Joshua Facebook page to keep up with friends, family and loving strangers! praying for Joshua

A bit behind but wanted to share.

I am so behind on blogging and seriously want to get caught up. While I have a moment I wanted to post some photo's. I always add how truly blessed I am to have such great friends. Even though we have moved away from Tallahassee, Fl. I am thankful that we are close enough to take day trips over there. Well, my friend Leah is about to give birth to a baby boy and we were all lucky enough to celebrate this with her by throwing her a baby shower. She already has two amazing little girls so this is all real exciting for everyone. Beside the baby shower and having such a great time. Memphis was able to tag along with me to see he girl Elizabeth while my hubs stayed home with Sawyer. Fun day!

One amazing smile!

I had mentioned Margo quite some time ago. I believe before Christmas. She is a member of Dothan moms meet up group and a friend. She has stage four liver cancer and went up to John Hopkins? to receive Chemo treatment for her Cancer and praying that they can battle it by injecting it straight into the tumors. I think everyone could learn about Faith from Margo and her husband. She has a beautiful two year old daughter and a wonderful caring husband and knows the out come of life in general whether it comes sooner or later but she never takes her eye off GOD! She heads back up to J.H. for another round in a day or two so please pray for her and her family. Visit her here and see her updates:http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/margomenger

Fire Station meet-up! FUN!

This is always such a treat! I have always gone to the fire station meet ups with other groups but this time was different! I scheduled it and it was my group that I'm an organizer of and to top it all off the newspaper wanted to tag along. I am so truly blessed by having such an amazing opportunity to be involved in so many peoples lives and to make so many wonderful new friendships. We have 152 members now and yes I could probably name 75% of them! I try and make it a point to always make people feel welcome in every group activity we do and that takes studying every ones picture profile! I was thrilled when the news paper contacted me and said they had heard a buzz about the group. They sent out the photographer and everything. Memphis and Sawyer were actually in the paper to but the on-line story showed different photo's. That's okay though because I saved the original! Oh! Happy Day!Click here to read the article and view some photo's!http://www2.dothaneagle.com/dea/lifestyles/local/article/internet_group_brings_local_moms_together/124672/

Sunday Morning!

Just one more!

I know that I had previously added photo's of Brent's car but I never added the peoples car that hit him. Seriously not dwelling on the past since I got a sweet new ride! Love being a mini van driving MaMa now!

Another morning of Peek-a-boo Sawyer!

Dothan moms! We were in the paper!

http://www2.dothaneagle.com/dea/lifestyles/local/article/internet_group_brings_local_moms_together/124672/

How did I get so lucky?

So I some how was rewarded for my hubby's accident. We were lucky enough to get an AMAZING deal from one of my closest friends and got this mini-van. That's right! I am now a "soccer mom"! This is my sweet little baby now! (my old car)
Is'nt she cute! and this is my new ride! So pretty! It does some crazy things too! I have only had to call my friend twice now (in a matter of 30 minutes)to figure stuff out. Like how does the radio shut off? It kept right on playing after I turned the ignition key off. Apparently it shuts off when you open the car door. I guess everyone gets to hear me jammin' to Veggie tales now!Brent is getting my car and although it isn't new it will be exciting for him to have a little bit more of a manly car! He won't have to cram his really, really tall self into a car the size of a clown car. YAY! For us!

Thankful for my husband being safe!

I got a phone call today and new instantly something was wrong. It was "Gina, Gina, I was in an accident and my chest hurts". Fear, pure fear! I honestly don't know what I'd do without Brent. My best friend. My one true love. The love of my life. Brent was driving 55 MPH and a guy turned right in front of him. It's like hitting a wall! Not only that they guy had a daughter about age four in the front seat in NO CAR SEAT! Thankfully she is okay with only a head bump. The car is obviously totaled and the most exciting news is that the guy was un-insured! Woo! Hoo! If you didn't get that, that was sarcasm.
There's my cutie all dressed...well...in a dress!
Here's a look you get why you say a pretty girl in a dress!
He's home resting now...thankfully!

Two things I regret and one thing I didn't have to

2010....WooHoo...Yippee...YAY....Not so much! I am seriously not trying to start my what I think is the first post of the year off like that but I am finding it so hard not to. Let me vent, just vent! I'm going to start by going back to right after Christmas and the passing of Brent's Grandfather. The day after Christmas Brent's mom was in town to visit and it was great. The day after that how ever was not. We had received a phone call that Grandpa had passed away and we all scrambled on what to do. Does Brent's mom fly back up? Does Brent and his mom just go and fly up together? Do we all go together including the kids? Every thing was just so last minute and we decided to leave the next day and drive a straight 16 hours to Pennsylvania. But before we were going to make that trip Brent had to drive and hour and a half over to my parents house to drop off Elvis our dog which has stayed with them numerous times. We made the trip to Pa. and there was lots a people, lots or family, lots of food, lots of stress and a family that is amazing about not showing their feelings and capable of crying when no one is looking. Not being immediate family I felt a bit useless although I felt like Grandpa was as if he had always been my own. I think the hardest thing for me was to sit and occasionally get a glance of Grandma sitting every so sweetly in a chair in a quiet room by herself just starring off. I kept wondering what she was thinking. Yes, I'm sure she was thinking about Grandpa but what about Grandpa. 60 years of marriage what one specific time was she thinking of exactly. It made me want to cry. My first regret is that every year we go up for hunting season and this year we didn't do to a new move and finances. This is the time when we get to see Grandma and Grandpa and this year we didn't. So I regret the decision we made even if it was the right one.
When we got home I didn't even un-pack. I had a day and a half and we were to be heading to my parents house for the weekend to pick up Elvis. Brent was to leave from there to Mobile Alabama for a business trip for a week. The day before I was to head over my folks called and said Elvis ate up their throw rug and he wasn't well. What possessed my dog to do that is beyond me. He is almost 9 years old and is not a destructive dog at all. I tried to get some kind of idea of how bad off he was and asked if my father would take him to the vet for an X-ray to which he did. The vet couldn't see much and said he wasn't quite sure. Unfortunately they didn't have an ultrasound machine. When I arrived the next day I was in the house for 10 seconds and scooped him up and raced him to the vet because he was for sure ill and going to die. They allowed me to sit if on the surgery since I used to work for another vet there into town that was a friend of his. The process is amazing and wonderful that we have people that make life choices like this to save animals and people. I actually took photo's of the whole process and took photo's of what was in his system and he confirmed that he would have died be the next day. Elvis never got better after that and went back in for another surgery and the day after that (yesterday) I had to take him to the vet and put him down. I couldn't even breath and I couldn't be there while they did it. I feel selfish that I didn't stay by his side but I couldn't even breath. Even on deaths door through my tears he'd try to comfort me with his cold nose up against my face. I kissed his head and left.I then went to pick the kids up and headed home! After a long, long week of being at someone else's house with two kids going stir crazy, a husband out of town for a week and tending to a sick dog and oh! I had to deal with food poisoning! 24 hours of pure awfulness and that was like nothing I had to ever had to endure. I'm not entirely sure what my second regret is exactly. Do I regret not taking him to a kennel? Do I regret not just staying home? Do I regret not just holding and petting him one last time instead of rushing him out of the house. I do regret getting mad at him for constantly following me to the bathroom. There just wasn't enough room for both of us in there. He was 87 pounds! He was my first baby. Besides Maka that passed away of Cancer a month after Sawyer was born. Elvis was one of my first babies almost 9 years!
Before all this was going on I did have plans to go to Destin on that very weekend that I went to pick Elvis up. My friend was getting married. This is no ordinary friend you see. Brad was my maid of honor for my wedding. No I did not dress him up in a dress. We were married on the beach and he wore a Hawaiian style shirt. I met brad almost 16 years ago I think. He is truly an amazing person and a amazing friend. Obviously capable of alot if he has been friends with me for so long! I swayed back and forth on the decision of whether to go to his wedding. I'm not quite sure why either. I never met his soon to be bride or if I did we had met briefly some odd 15 years ago and maybe not in the best....hmmmmm... shall I just say light. I wasn't swaying on my decision out of ugliness or jealousy or anything other than not knowing where I stood still in Brad's life. He was going to have a wife now and I know that if my husband had a close friend that was a girl that I would not be having it at all. Our past was silliness and fun. It was speeding through town listening to the Gap band. It was late night BBQ rib eating. It was 4am drunken swims in the ocean. It was him holding me as I cried after numerous break ups and after my divorce. It was us sitting in the back yard of the town house talking about our past and our lives. It was his first tattoo and me getting the same thing in the same spot so we had something ever lasting. We didn't need a tattoo to show our ever lasting friendship. Now that I am typing it seems as if he did more for me then me him. So... Brad thank you! I'm so glad that we went to the wedding. I realized the love he had for her as I watched him stare at her as she talked. As he teared up when she teared up. I watched his thumb rubbing her thumb as they held hands in comfort and in love. I cried. I cried. Did I cry because it was all so strange or because I felt old or because I was truly happy for him. I am so happy for him. The next day on facebook I had friended her and my happiness grew stronger. I watched as her posts throughout the day were I love my husband and I am so happy. I am so glad that I went and that I did not have to regret not going to my best friends wedding!

Time for school!

 

So I have never been one of those mom's that went around saying to others "Look what my kid can do" But today I am! As I was washing dishes when Memphis says to me "Mom dog is spelled D-O-G Right?" I wiped my hands and walked over nodding yes and low and behold I see this piece of paper! He had already spelled horse and had just finished spelling dog!!! He just turned four in October and he has never had any interest in anything that included writing, drawing or coloring until two weeks ago.I just couldn't believe it! I wish I could say it was because of his awesome mom and dad teaching him but knowing my luck he learned it from Barney or Curious George or something! Either way.....Woo! Hoo! Look what my kid can do!!!!