The three Z's

The day before yesterday I had officially became that crazy MaMa! Yes, it is true! But out of complete disappointment! I haven't posted about the three Z's yet but I have been meaning to. The three Z's are my neighbors kids. Zian age 7, Zain age 5, and Zachary age 2. So often we have seen these kiddo's swinging on the tire that is attached to their huge tree. We have watched as they road their dirt bikes through their back yard. We had heard them playing tag and have watched Memphis our son stand at our fence wanting to join in on the fun. Well a few weeks ago while we were out gardening we had decided to let Memphis walk over to their back yard. By the way big properties all connected by back yards but are's just happened to be fenced. We figured since we were right there and watching that although Memphis is four that it would be okay. It was official! Our son was a big boy and playing in the yard with neighborhood kids. Sawyer, being that he is only two years old couldn't tag along with his big brother so he had cried and cried literally for an hour!

After that day of play the two boys Zian and Zain would come knocking on the door to play with Memphis in the back yard. Our backyard! Everyday! Brent met their mother for but a second as she came and got her 2 year old daughter. We found out that she is in the middle of a divorce and that she is a nurse. A few days later she allowed her daughter that is 2 yrs. old come over and I then began feeling like we were babysitters. Is that awful to say? It just seemed so inappropriate and a little scary because I won't even allow my two year old to leave our sight yet alone our yard! We have yet to say anything probably because I have not figured out what to say or how to say it.

Anywho, the day before yesterday the boys came over to play. Occasionally we have to scold them on their behavior and the things they say. Our home! Our rules! They talked about how they like watching American Gangster which I have not seen, but, they spoke of Scar Face as well! YIKES!!!!! Really! Seven years old and five years old watching scar face. Despite the fact that it's drugs and blood and shootings and violence! Does anyone remember what he said when he was asked how he got the scar on his face! I could not believe it! I then began to feel so bad that children of this age think that it is okay see say the things they do and do the things they do. Zian stood beside my as I watered the garden telling me how much he loved gardens and was going to have one, one day. I asked him if he had had squash, zuchini, artichokes and egg plant. He did tell me he loved Broccoli with cheese on it! Cute! this is the type of conversations should be having. Just tell me you want to be a fireman one day!

Later that evening my boys had to come in for baths, jammies, milk and a snack. It's our usual nights routine. I started around the house closing windows and closing blinds and noticed Zian and Zain standing behind their neighbors newly built fence which is connected to their yard. It just looked suspicious! I watched and watched and then saw a flick of a lighter. YIKES! They were SMOKING!!! Five and seven years old and they were SMOKING! Why does a five year old even know how to use a lighter? He was the one lighting the cigarettes. Either way I walked out back and hopped our fence and screamed their names like they have never heard before! I found my MaMa voice! They flipped around and a lighter was flung into the air and they sat still as I marched over to them. They then received a mini lecture of cigarettes and CANCER as I walked them to their back door. They said nothing at all and had fear in their eyes. I tapped on their back door with the tip of the lighter and their mother answered...yessssss. I looked down at the boys and said "tell your MaMa what you were doing!" and they both stayed silent. I repeated myself and they then began to tell on each other. so much for a united front! I stopped them mid sentence and told their mother that her boys (Ages 5 and 7) were out back smoking. She just seemed as if she wasn't surprised or almost as if she didn't care but the boys cried and cried. She told them to come into the house as Zachary her daughter clung to her leg.

The next day...yesterday....we did not get a knock on the door to play. My heart hurts for them. My heart hurts for Memphis as well as he stared out the window watching them in their back yard playing and wondered why today they did not come over and ask to play in our back yard with him. How would I even explain that? I am not knocking anyone. I smoked my first cigarette at age 8 and smoked regularly at age 13 and a pack a day by age 15 and quit at age 31! All I keep thinking about is that Memphis is 4 1/2 years old and Zain is 5 years old. I was picturing Memphis with a cigarette hanging out of his mouth in 6 months and the boy still screams for me from the bathroom to wipe!
Did I do what was right?

Look what I learned to do!

Okay, yes, I know I am a dork and half maybe even more than half of the world knows how to do this....but I did not! This is my best friends Blog called Tammy on the go and I stumbled across this blog one day and so thankful I did. She is so cute and I love to hear about her everyday happenings! Her blog is Jenna's Jargon and she takes the most incredible photo's ever! See for yourself here at her project 365 and then another blog that I had stumbled across while blog hopping is A moment in grace She is just incredible! I live off of Fiddledeedee for all my couponing needs. She is AWESOME and incredibly sweet. I use to go to church with her. I read i love you best and never gone once without crying. She makes me truly thankful for my children. My heart hurts for her daily. Okay, so you get the point of what I learned. I probably could go on and on about the blogs I love and the hyper links! YAY! ME!

MaMa love, Daddy love!

Tri-state BBQ Fest! I loved these photo's but honestly I should have taken photo's of the 19 different kinds of BBQ Sandwiches we had eaten just a short time before. Yesterday was a GREAT day!

Ben's last and final posting in Margo's caring bridge site

I wanted to share one last thing with you all before bringing a close to this journal for Margo. It was about the living water that Jesus spoke of to the Samaritan woman in John 4:10-13 and then again in John 7:38 when he said:"The one who believes in me, as the Scripture has said, will have rivers of living water flowing from his heart.”
This living water that God imparts to his children through his vessels comes because of the great needs that God wishes to fulfill. When we grow in our relationship with God and continue to strive toward growing that relationship we can reach a point of faith where we no longer talk about the word of God or merely believe the word of God but we actually begin to live the word of God and our lives become a reflection of his nature. From living with Margo and watching her grow in her faith and love for God, Jesus, and for others I could see this spring of living water begin to flow from her and start to touch so many lives it was breathtaking. God reached out and touched lives through Margo, to provide healing , to provide comfort, to provide light in the midst of darkness, to provide hope, to minister to those in need. Her love for God and unwavering faith were as such that it far outweighed any fear or discomfort she was feeling or experiencing. I know this because up until the very last moment she was still thinking of God and of others rather than her own situation. I may have mentioned before but when she was fading and well aware that the time she had to impart words before becoming to tired or confused to speak was quick upon her she told my pastor to let everyone know that she didn't want anyone to turn away from God in despair or anger because of her passing, she wanted them to know that it was not worth it to turn away, instead she wanted them to move closer to him, to receive the living water that God was pouring out of her, to receive their healing. After all, she was a daughter after her heavenly father's own heart while she was here with us. I know this because I was with her through thick and thin for five wonderful blessed years, and because I got to know her very well. while we were here together I loved her very much she was my best friend and one of my personal heroes. I still love her very much and always will, I'm very proud of her for her strength and willingness to allow God to use her to touch so many lives, she had a choice, she could have said no to him, but she didn't she said yes, and because of that people I have never met have had a taste of that living water that only Jesus can provide. I hope that I am just like Margo a person after God's own heart, if I am not then I pray with all that is in me that I too will be that person that God can use to impart living water to those in need, that I too can attend to people's welfare and well being just like Margo did when she was with us. Margo has moved on from us, she is in heaven in her place of eternal glory dancing, singing, and praising in the presence of God and Jesus surrounded by a love and a peace we can only imagine of here. I ask for God to give her a big hug for me every time I pray, since I cannot do it for the time being I'm sure that he does with joy. Margo left us with a challenge as well, a challenge to also become the people that not only read the bible, not only believe the bible but grow so strong in our walk with God that we live it. all of us, each and every one of us can be the source that God can use to impart living water to all who are in need. We can reflect his nature and care for others well beings and welfare. I'm not saying people wants or desires for often they fall along the lines of a path of destruction, but I think that everyone has needs and the most basic one is for someone to care about them. It may not be popular in a society that has been promoting self absorption and selfishness more and more every year, but it can happen when we seek God and grow our relationship with him. We can become the springs of living water with his help. I would like to ask you to please consider that this love can not only fill you but also be passed to other through you. We have seen but one powerful example of this through Margo's walk with God. I promise you this will not be the last example but even greater still you could be the next one that God moves through to heal others lives! I hope you will consider it, as for me and my house we will continue to serve the Lord, for I await the day when I shall meet Margo at the designated place and she will lead me to Jesus and I pray that he will look upon me and say "Well done my good and faithful servant", until then I have seeds to sow and living water to impart to the best of my ability.

God bless you all and thank you for your support, your prayers both in the past, the present , and in the future.

-Benjamin Menger

Just a few "favs"! Up and blog hopping again!

I guess we all love pictures for different reasons. This picture isn't the greatest at all. It was actually like a billion degrees under the"big top"! But it reminds me that I actually ventured out while my husband was out of town and took the boys to the circus by my self. I wished that Brent could have been there as well but we had a ton of fun.
Memphis and I being silly!We put veggie stix in our mouths and we were being coodie bugs....can't you tell?!?!
Sawyer can pull of any outfit! My lil' cutie
I love that my husband is such a dork! We can always be dorks together! This was our first ever pizza making night!
Just a fun day! This was about a week ago or so at the 4th annual paws fest. That's right a festival of paws. Not sure why I was annoyed when I stepped in poo! Such a fun day....until our car broke down! But still a fun day!
I have always loved this photo. I can't emphasize enough of what a daddies boy Sawyer is.Nothing has changed since they day he was born. I now look forward to his screeching and leaping across the room when daddy arrives home from work everyday as if he hadn't seen him for a year!
They are brothers and are at each other constantly but I love the times when they hug all over each other or Memphis looks back to check on his brother and take him by the hand.I love being around my friend Tammy. I can always be myself and she loves me for who I am....even if I act a bit stupid!

I love this photo! Not only because Memphis is kissing on me but I know that it is also the day we found our the sex of Sawyer. We celebrated with a visit to Chuck E. Cheese!

I didn't cry until she sang!

I know, I know! Every time I get on my blog I say that I am officially caught up and will be posting again and then I find myself just swamped with stuff to do. I miss posting! I miss a clean house to! I think as my meet up group grew it kinda consumed me along with growing. Everyday I kinda feel myself stepping back a bit and once again after getting 177 members I am looking for a third Asst. Organizer. I'm not saying that it's all been crazy but right now it's all so over whelming. I'm not good with over whelming...nor sad, scared, nervous, angry, and many other feelings! But yesterday I felt them all. Yesterday was Good Friday. Although we had plans of walking through our church to see a small set up for good Friday they had I spent my evening learning about a friend that had passed. Margo Menger! I had posted a photo of her previously. She had a rare Liver cancer and she was only 30 years old. She was a wife and a mother to a sweet little three year old girl named Tahiri. I'm going to show you how my brain works. It took about 35 minutes to drive up there and I had been running late. Brent hadn't filled the AC in the Trooper so all the windows were down. It was 84 degrees and sunny. Do you ever look up to the sky and the sun and think how beautiful and get goose bumps and think it is a God thing. Well I'm a dork and I do! When I arrived I parked and once again running late so I walked up to the church that was quite large for such and itty bitty town. I stopped for a second and looked up and it was one of those churches that would be amazing for a wedding. HUGE front to it with four huge pillars and all white. I can picture it in my head and then stopped to think for a moment about Margo's husband. The service had just started and that talked about her life and about she wasn't even suppose to have had one or at least not a fruitful one. The doctors said she wasn't suppose to live 12 hours into her life and she did and then they said that her life would be short due to a bad liver and she was now thirty. They told her she couldn't have kids because it would kill her and she had little Tahiri! When she was diagnosed with Cancer they said it was stage four and she would be gone in 6 months and no doctor would help her! But many did and she eventually went into remission although the cancer came back. I wonder what they considered fruitful because I don't think their definition was the same as hers. Although my group is over whelming I do think God chose me to build it and through that group I got to meet Margo.During the service I got to see a slide show of photo's as they do at most funerals and memorials. I watched her smile, dance and roller skate as well as other things she loved so much. I found out that even when she had been diagnosed with Cancer that she had continued her studies to finish her degree during surgeries and chemo therapy! She had her mind set on missions trip to Japan and that's what she had needed! I looked around at so many people as I sat alone on that pew of that big old church. I watched to see who had a continuous smile and I watched through my own swollen eyes who was crying after every word. I did cry! A lot! But, I didn't start crying until this woman stepped to the front and started to sing. She had this amazing voice! You know the kind of voice that sang swing low sweet chariot.....blah, blah, blah. I held it together so well until then. by the way, no, she did not sing that song. After the service the family stepped to the front so everyone could share their condolences and such. I decided I was going to take a moment and say good bye to Margo's mom I had just recently met before she flew back to New Hampshire. Beside her stood Ben her husband and I could feel my heart creeping into my throat and beating faster and faster until I thought I was going to vomit. Seriously! I then decided to leave. I never had the chance to meet Ben but I love how even in the time of sorrow that he stood at the front of the church and flung his arms open wide and yelled to the crowd come and hug with a huge smile on his face! I do want to leave you with one story. On Ben and Margo's first date Margo almost never went. They told a story how he got all dressed up and grabbed a big bouquet of flowers like a gentleman does and headed on over to her house. He rang the door bell and as she answered he stopped her in her tracks by saying "Hey, before we even go out I need to tell you something! God, said I'm going to marry you! You are going to be my wife! I just wanted to let you know that!" She was taken back a bit and almost never went. Thank goodness she did! Because if you could only see love!