Thursday, December 3, 2009
Shhhh! Don't tell me your name cause' I can't sleep as it is!
Just to let you know this is gonna be a super long one! So it seems as the days and weeks are just flying by. I can't seem to slow down and that just happens sometimes. The last time I posted or actually "wrote" a post I talked about my mommy meet up group and a few people here and there. It's amazing what just a few weeks can do to a person. I know not many of you know this but I have posted it time and time and time again that I am a thinker, a stewer, a dweller,and a wonderer! After I received the news about Margo and her cancer coming back I think it all went down hill from there. I have been keeping up with her and the next steps that they are taking and you can to by going here http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/margomenger .Anywho, the night before Thanksgiving we drove to my folks and I spoke with one of Margo's friends and she was trying to give me the run down on whats going on but for the most part people are trying to stay away from time frames and doing a whole lotta praying for God's healing! When I was at my folks I was taking a shower and sat there for a few and just thought... why? Why her? Why anyone? Who does the picking and choosing? I know I haven't known her long but I cry for her and adore her. I want to do all I can for her! That day...Thanksgiving...was great! But, I need to add in some where that I have had a headache since Nov. 21st and it was now Nov. 26th. So great as it was my head was throbbing and couldn't believe it had been so many days in a row that I had been dealing with not just a mild but a severe headache! Through the days I started to feel like a bad wife because I felt that I wasn't showing Brent any such attention a husband should be shown but I was physically spent and hurting! I received another e-mail from the woman from the mommy meet up group (not a pushy or ugly one) but just asking if anyone had been willing to donate anything used for Christmas for them. I just became angry and hurt and sad and I know I shouldn't. I was mad that we now have 89 members or so and only ONE PERSON mentioned about wanting to help out! I know times are tough and trust me when I say we know what it's like to be a day late and a dollar short! Goodness! Have you ever seen me post ANYTHING on here about us doing something or going somewhere...NO! But, don't think I wouldn't cut some corners somewhere to figure out how to help some one at least a little bit. I know I shouldn't be mad and sad but I am and it's eating at me. Now I am on to my 9th or 10th day with a headache! We then received a message from my mother in-law that My grand father in-law was very, very ill and taken by ambulance to the hospital and he was in the ICU. We didn't even realize how sick he was until the Doc's reiterated it to everyone! I feel bad for my mother in-law and some times wished we lived closer to her so we could help out. She has recently let Grandma and Grandpa move into her house...Thank Goodness! This is a huge task and on top of taking care of them you have to completely re-do your entire life's ordinary day agendas and doings. She had a rough thanksgiving as well and I wished now that we had been there so I could have helped out. Grandpa is doing semi okay now but he is still in the ICU because he has Mercer now! Please continue to pray! By my 11th day of a head ache I told Brent I just couldn't take it anymore and he took the day of to stay with the kids and I head to the urgent care and there I sat for 1 1/2 hours for them to tell me they couldn't see me because I'd have to go to the ER to get a Cat scan! It wasn't all bad though because the Urgent care is a super Religious Urgent care with about 20 bibles laying about and a few "our daily breads" and scripture all over the walls. I say it wasn't all bad because I picked up a pamphlet on the story of Christmas and read it to pass the time. I know people were looking at me and kept thinking I must be in some serious pain because I was sobbing. Trust me I was in pain and did cry cause I wanted someone beside me and there was no one because my folks don't live here and Brent had to watch the kids and I was hurting. But, I was actaully sobbing because I was reading about how Mary was kneeling below Jesus as he was on the cross and how she looked up at his face and saw streaks down his face from which his tears were shed and wiped away the dirt. Every time I read this I for some reason put my self in the position of Mary as if I were looking up at one of my two sons and how bad my heart would hurt but still knowing that I had to have faith in my God and his plan. See here I go again...don't cry, don't cry! Anywho, I left there and headed to the ER and I new it would be a long, long wait so I took one of those Daily bread books with me to read. I like those! I read the story about Anna and Simeon again and it still amazes me...all that faith! I was finally called to the back after to which felt like an eternity. They asked tons of questions, stuck an IV in me, did a Cat scan and then pumped me full of drugs! Anti-vomiting medicine, anti-inflammatory, some kind of drug that made me seriously loopy! and two others before I left. I had to call Brent to come get me and we left his car there at the hospital. So much for the anti-vomiting meds because I got sick ALL THE WAY HOME! UGH! They said they really couldn't find anything wrong but they did say between poor vision, poor sleeping habits, stress, poor eating habits and everything else that this could be the out come...week long severe headaches! I have a follow with a neurologist next week some time and they sent me home with some medicine that I couldn't even take if I wanted to unless I could teach the dog to tend to the kids! Yesterday I was still woozy but I am feeling a bit better today although I still feel a bit anxious. I am Queen of anxiety attacks! They come and they go but thankfully don't stay as long as they use to. When I checked my mommy meet-up group when I got back home some one had posted something new. It was a message about a mom of four (real young kids) had just fled an abusive situation (husband) and left everything and I mean everything behind. They were looking for help and once again I can feel my head spinning and my stress level rising. I know I can't fix the whole world but I always feel compelled to try! Thankfully my friend Misty stopped me in my tracks and made me understand that this person has posted this on our site as well as one of the largest churches here in town and I can always pray for people to put aside themselves for a bit and to help out others. That's the key...pray. Isn't it strange to say that you have to PRAY for others to think not only of themselves. Trust me when I say that I do know we are all human and all have flaws and all do this from time to time...think of only ourselves. I'm tired and stressed and am going to find a couple Asst. organizers for my group because I need to relinquish some control now that we are so close to 100 members. The Holidays are approaching and I want it to be enjoyable and not stressful. I know I always come up with these odd titles to my posts but honest to goodness I spend half my night praying for people I know, people I don't, people I wish I did and our president! If I meet one more person I think I might never sleep again!