Saturday, January 16, 2010

Two things I regret and one thing I didn't have to

2010....WooHoo...Yippee...YAY....Not so much! I am seriously not trying to start my what I think is the first post of the year off like that but I am finding it so hard not to. Let me vent, just vent! I'm going to start by going back to right after Christmas and the passing of Brent's Grandfather. The day after Christmas Brent's mom was in town to visit and it was great. The day after that how ever was not. We had received a phone call that Grandpa had passed away and we all scrambled on what to do. Does Brent's mom fly back up? Does Brent and his mom just go and fly up together? Do we all go together including the kids? Every thing was just so last minute and we decided to leave the next day and drive a straight 16 hours to Pennsylvania. But before we were going to make that trip Brent had to drive and hour and a half over to my parents house to drop off Elvis our dog which has stayed with them numerous times. We made the trip to Pa. and there was lots a people, lots or family, lots of food, lots of stress and a family that is amazing about not showing their feelings and capable of crying when no one is looking. Not being immediate family I felt a bit useless although I felt like Grandpa was as if he had always been my own. I think the hardest thing for me was to sit and occasionally get a glance of Grandma sitting every so sweetly in a chair in a quiet room by herself just starring off. I kept wondering what she was thinking. Yes, I'm sure she was thinking about Grandpa but what about Grandpa. 60 years of marriage what one specific time was she thinking of exactly. It made me want to cry. My first regret is that every year we go up for hunting season and this year we didn't do to a new move and finances. This is the time when we get to see Grandma and Grandpa and this year we didn't. So I regret the decision we made even if it was the right one.
When we got home I didn't even un-pack. I had a day and a half and we were to be heading to my parents house for the weekend to pick up Elvis. Brent was to leave from there to Mobile Alabama for a business trip for a week. The day before I was to head over my folks called and said Elvis ate up their throw rug and he wasn't well. What possessed my dog to do that is beyond me. He is almost 9 years old and is not a destructive dog at all. I tried to get some kind of idea of how bad off he was and asked if my father would take him to the vet for an X-ray to which he did. The vet couldn't see much and said he wasn't quite sure. Unfortunately they didn't have an ultrasound machine. When I arrived the next day I was in the house for 10 seconds and scooped him up and raced him to the vet because he was for sure ill and going to die. They allowed me to sit if on the surgery since I used to work for another vet there into town that was a friend of his. The process is amazing and wonderful that we have people that make life choices like this to save animals and people. I actually took photo's of the whole process and took photo's of what was in his system and he confirmed that he would have died be the next day. Elvis never got better after that and went back in for another surgery and the day after that (yesterday) I had to take him to the vet and put him down. I couldn't even breath and I couldn't be there while they did it. I feel selfish that I didn't stay by his side but I couldn't even breath. Even on deaths door through my tears he'd try to comfort me with his cold nose up against my face. I kissed his head and left.I then went to pick the kids up and headed home! After a long, long week of being at someone else's house with two kids going stir crazy, a husband out of town for a week and tending to a sick dog and oh! I had to deal with food poisoning! 24 hours of pure awfulness and that was like nothing I had to ever had to endure. I'm not entirely sure what my second regret is exactly. Do I regret not taking him to a kennel? Do I regret not just staying home? Do I regret not just holding and petting him one last time instead of rushing him out of the house. I do regret getting mad at him for constantly following me to the bathroom. There just wasn't enough room for both of us in there. He was 87 pounds! He was my first baby. Besides Maka that passed away of Cancer a month after Sawyer was born. Elvis was one of my first babies almost 9 years!
Before all this was going on I did have plans to go to Destin on that very weekend that I went to pick Elvis up. My friend was getting married. This is no ordinary friend you see. Brad was my maid of honor for my wedding. No I did not dress him up in a dress. We were married on the beach and he wore a Hawaiian style shirt. I met brad almost 16 years ago I think. He is truly an amazing person and a amazing friend. Obviously capable of alot if he has been friends with me for so long! I swayed back and forth on the decision of whether to go to his wedding. I'm not quite sure why either. I never met his soon to be bride or if I did we had met briefly some odd 15 years ago and maybe not in the best....hmmmmm... shall I just say light. I wasn't swaying on my decision out of ugliness or jealousy or anything other than not knowing where I stood still in Brad's life. He was going to have a wife now and I know that if my husband had a close friend that was a girl that I would not be having it at all. Our past was silliness and fun. It was speeding through town listening to the Gap band. It was late night BBQ rib eating. It was 4am drunken swims in the ocean. It was him holding me as I cried after numerous break ups and after my divorce. It was us sitting in the back yard of the town house talking about our past and our lives. It was his first tattoo and me getting the same thing in the same spot so we had something ever lasting. We didn't need a tattoo to show our ever lasting friendship. Now that I am typing it seems as if he did more for me then me him. So... Brad thank you! I'm so glad that we went to the wedding. I realized the love he had for her as I watched him stare at her as she talked. As he teared up when she teared up. I watched his thumb rubbing her thumb as they held hands in comfort and in love. I cried. I cried. Did I cry because it was all so strange or because I felt old or because I was truly happy for him. I am so happy for him. The next day on facebook I had friended her and my happiness grew stronger. I watched as her posts throughout the day were I love my husband and I am so happy. I am so glad that I went and that I did not have to regret not going to my best friends wedding!

1 comment:

  1. I'm so sorry about Grandpa and your dog. I guess when It rains it pours. I hope you have a peaceful rest of the week and happy 2010!